Letters to myself – “Pages of Time”
I’ve been thinking about trying to write more frequently. The simple reason being I have so much on my mind these days. Things bother me, and yet I can’t quite put the puzzle together. I constantly keep going backward in my mind, flipping through the ancient pages of time. Looking for the pages that got lost along the way. Now more than ever I have the desire to find those lost pages blowing like a tumbleweed in my subconscious mind.
Perhaps caused from my childhood. Things that got locked away and swept under a heavy rug. Collecting dust when walked upon but never being moved to sweep the dust away. Searching for the clues to unlock the doors closed, once open to experience life as we know it. Now just torn pages blowing in a universal black swirl of emotions that paint pictures of thunder clouds hanging over my head.
I feel we can only help ourselves. No one can give our life direction or understanding. We must find our own understanding of feelings, words, and thoughts. Once again reading my thoughts, I find it hard to imagine thinking so deeply, looking into a bottomless well. It’s as if an out-of-body experience reading my thoughts that journey into the channels of my mind. What is the purpose I write upon this blank paper in a futile effort to understand my mind, my subconscious states?
Either what we think is real or what we believe is real. What we believe is our own truth and well others must find their own way to their truth. What lies within the pages of their mind? Traveling thru our subconscious looking for a log to grab hold of, in a rushing river heading for a waterfall of pages of my life. Grabbing onto the first strong log I see to prevent me from falling deeply into my subconscious mind… Riding it down the rushing clear waterfall to journey along a fresh stream within my mind. Searching for those pages, lost in time.
© Eva Marie Cagley
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